Form Letter 82629-AH1

 

Dear participant,

Based on your infrequent voter turnout, your general malaise, and the absence of your name on any petition, survey, or referendum concerning issues that affect the well-being of your community, you have been selected to participate in a unique educational opportunity.

APATHY INTERNATIONAL is a non-profit organization devoted to expanding the general public's lethargy with regards to political and social matters both on a local and a global scale. We do this, not through any fervent effort on our part, but through a passive ambivalence toward environmental and economic concerns.

This is not unsolicited e-mail. When you installed Internet software, signed up for e-mail, or downloaded that Paris Hilton video, you most likely overlooked a box that read: "I am completely apathetic to whether or not I receive spam e-mail from causes and organizations I care nothing about." For your convenience, this box was checked for you, and you neglected to uncheck it. If you would like to be removed from our mailing list, please e-mail k14j1742sr413bkdfs4dsld922qwerty9081010011gifhtml@yahoo.com. Be sure to include the words "I care" and an exclamation point in the subject line. Your message will be promptly lost in cyberspace or ignored. In either case it will never be read by a human being. There is a slim chance you will receive a reply from a computer telling you there was an error removing your address from the mailing list.

Do not attempt to reply to this message. It will only result in you receiving seven copies of your original message.

Do not attempt to forward this message. Joe Norton of Lake View, Ontario forwarded this e-mail to a dozen of his co-workers at Seaport Electronics. The next day he was fired. Sue Cantril of Danvers, Massachusetts received this letter and immediately deleted it. The following day she was offered affordible dental care and a chance to win a family dream vacation to Walt Disney World Resort in Orlando, Florida.

The purpose of this e-mail is to warn you of a growing epidemic in our society of which you may be an unknowing carrier. Statistics show that there has been a 74% percent increase in the use of the exclamation mark over the past five years. (Brown and Walker, 1985.) As you know, the exclamation mark is a symbol of enhanced emotional involvement, used to show a definite concern about the preceding sentence or phrase. As part of our Apathy Awareness program, we would like to remind you of the proper and improper use of the exclamation mark.

PROPER USE OF THE EXCLAMATION MARK

Help me. Oh my god, it's got my leg. I can't breathe! Help m---

IMPROPER USE OF THE EXCLAMATION MARK
(This demonstration was prepared by professionals. Do not attempt this at home)

Hey Jenni! Guess what! I watched Felicity last night! Did you!!! You'll never believe what Felicity said to Noel!!!!!!!!!!!!

We hope this drill has increased your awareness of the dangers of the exclamation mark. We lackadaisically urge you to remove the exclamation mark from your vocabulary altogether.

If you would like to spread Apathy in your community, don't do anything.

Ever.

 

With Ambivalence,

S.I.Nestor
President and Founder, APATHY INTERNATIONAL
steve@apathyinternational.com

 

For more information, visit our web-site at http://www.apathyinternational.com

Or don't. We don't care.

 

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